For you, my boy

It is late and I am alone and you are asleep and I am scaredscaredscaredfuckingscared.
Fucking terrfified of leaving you.
I fall asleep and I wake up and the words ring in my head
Don't let me go.
Don't let me go.
My hand reaches out.
Don't let me go.
The image is clear.
Don't let me go.
I am on a bed and the bags are full and the tickticktick of the robot is coming closer and Jay is here and he is telling me to let go but I am saying Fuck You because I made you a promise and Daddy is not a liar.
Daddy is not a goddamn liar.
It's my time.
But I don't want to go and I don't want to let go and I don't want you to go the rest of this alone.
Daddy is here, sweet boy.
I promised you I fucking promised you and I didn't want to lie to you but I'm worried that I have.
The screen is blurry.
The tests are blurry.
The truth is blurry.
Don't let me go.
Don't let me go.
Don't let me go.
I'm so fucking far from ready.