It is late and I am alone and you are asleep and I am scaredscaredscaredfuckingscared.
Fucking terrfified of leaving you.
I fall asleep and I wake up and the words ring in my head
Don't let me go.
Don't let me go.
My hand reaches out.
Don't let me go.
The image is clear.
Don't let me go.
I am on a bed and the bags are full and the tickticktick of the robot is coming closer and Jay is here and he is telling me to let go but I am saying Fuck You because I made you a promise and Daddy is not a liar.
Daddy is not a goddamn liar.
It's my time.
But I don't want to go and I don't want to let go and I don't want you to go the rest of this alone.
Daddy is here, sweet boy.
I promised you I fucking promised you and I didn't want to lie to you but I'm worried that I have.
The screen is blurry.
The tests are blurry.
The truth is blurry.
Don't let me go.
Don't let me go.
Don't let me go.
I'm so fucking far from ready.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Hi Glenn, I'm Veronica and I met you at Heidi's house (Bainbridge Island) at our book club meeting. In case you're still trying to figure who I am....I'm the one who worked on the set of Seinfeld & was on a tyrant about the editors that were critiquing your book.
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine what you're going through but I know you're one strong mother F-er who's going to preserver....AGAIN! We're right behind you, rooting for you.
Veronica
I don't know you, but I do. I just finished your book and all I know to say now is thank you. I understand your words and know some of what you feel since I share in your illness. You have put words to things I could not find a way to express. I am so grateful to you for that. I admire your choice not to say what cancer you have. I admire your complete honesty and openness. How rare that is these days for me. You are a fighter. Don't give up- you are inspiring other people to live. Keep living. Keep living and breathe in and breathe out. That's what I do and I do it for my husband and 3 little boys... my mom died with this, my sister has it and so do I. Thank you for sharing your life...now keep living it!
ReplyDeleteKim in Seattle